So I had this back to future moment, during a conversation I was having with a friend, Mosa, when she asked me: "How do you know how to dress for your body?” My first thought was to reply with a slight air of arrogance by saying, “Girl it takes years of experience to know what looks good on you.” But then I realised that would be a lie. Who am I kidding? 14 year old me didn’t have the bottle-figure-looking body (not bragging) 24 year old me does now. And 24 year old me most certainly doesn’t have the toned sporty physique 14 year old me had then (not bragging here either). Adding to that, even though that young lady may have realised then her love for clothes, her reasoning and concerns (very few if I may add) behind choosing an outfit had little if any at all to do with “this dress accentuates my body in all the right places” or “these jeans make my butt look big”. When you’re 14, you care more about what your friends find cool, and how to get passed your parents and out of the front door, without being sent straight back to your room because “you’re obviously not done dressing, please go put on the rest of your outfit young lady”. These are you concerns. And also trying to up your allowance in order for you to afford all the 5 items that make up your dream closet.
But now the script and has flipped and I AM aware of all the “booty-liciousness” (thank you Destiny’s Child) and that I’m fairly "well proportioned” (AND now I may be bragging). But seriously. This isn’t bragging, this is what I call "awareness of body", much like awareness of self, and it is a long term work in progress that does’t arrive packaged neatly like that vintage lace off shoulder midi dress from my favourite online boutique store. No. And unfortunately there is no boutique in this world that sells "awareness of body", it’s a long-term endeavour, that requires you to dig a little bit deeper into your pile of clothes that you don’t like anymore or don’t fit you properly, and maybe ask yourself (even me, you’re welcome to ask me :) Mosa’s burning question, “How do you know how to dress for your body?"
Now allow me to properly introduce Mosa. Mosa, photographed above, is a tall, curvy, bootylicious, goddess-looking 24 year old woman, with big starry eyes and a smile that would make your gloomiest day all sunshiny and stuff. However much like what I have gone through with my body, which is the love-hate relationship all women go through with their bodies, mostly made up of good and bad days from the time your are 14 years old and maybe younger for some of us, Mosa’s confidence in what to wear and how she wears it, is mostly determined by how she feels about her body. To add on to that is this reality, our bodies are often very vulnerable to external scrutiny, under pressure to look like a slender perfectly toned runway model or the new trend in body shape: video-girl-vixen-curves and a Kardashian booty. We then on top of that add with our self-criticisism, as if we don’t have involuntary mood swings and fluctuating weight gain to deal with already. But enough of that loving to hate on ourselves nonsense, because the world is already too hard on us, we need to start taking ownership of how good we look and therefore will feel.
So when Mosa’s question came up, and I thought about how I came to know what looks on me, with a bit of quick introsepction, this is what I realised (and made Mosa take notes and then I made Mosa play dress):
- It is so NB to know which parts of your body are your favourite. Then to go on and focus on them. This I’ve coined "body-awareness". If you use your least favourite part as “motivation” for what to wear, you are dressing for the wrong reasons and when you feed off that, you become self-conscious. Clothes are meant to make you feel good, or better than good, but choosing to wear a long dress because it doesn’t draw attention to your legs that you do not like, is like popping pills that do more bad for you than good, the remedy is short lived but the side effects are long term because you cover those legs, then what? You fall into the habit of dressing driven by self-consciousness, not body awarereness.
- Secondly, You first. Then everyone else second. Oh you didn’t know you could be selfish when it comes to what clothes you like? This is the tendency to diverge from trends and focus on your own personal style. Trends put pressure on not only your pocket but on living to suit other people’s expectations. I find that my unique style is dictated by what I like, and not the other way around. And the truth of the matter is that people set the trends. And for that matter I may add, trends aren’t a bad thing at all. There are some trends that I do like and do follow, but trends are also "hip, hot and happening” then cool down come winter season. So even when that cold winter chill creeps in, you need to make sure that the essential staple items in your closet are relevant and are still bringing the heat but are also very much who you are!
- Thirdly, also driven by Mosa’s second question, “Where do you get unique pieces?” Some people treat answering this question like a master’s research thesis. I, who doesn’t pride themselves in research but rather intuition would simply say go to wherever your hearts leads you, and your pocket is allowing. If I turn this into a “go here, don’t go here..” situation, you will have a limited choice situation. And I am not about holding people back. Go wherever beautiful clothes are to be found and then go insane.
- And lastly, to round this up. I’m going to insist that you learn to be your own applause, when some people are not willing to clap for you. And yes, they know you look good they’re just not feeling generous with the compliments! My mother, brother and I have had this rule for a really long time. We realised that sometimes you’ll have that day when you leave the house knowing you’re killing the cloth game, yet it’ll be a day without compliments. You need to trust that you look good anyway! Waiting for affirmation can easily injure the ego but it doesn’t have to. Shine the spotlight on yourself even when no one is shining it for you. Self belief always goes a long way. Mosa and all the ladies reading this. Our bodies may be vulnerable, but our bodies are also fabulously versatile. As women, we are able to go from being one man machines to bi-human machines, nourishing and sheltering a small human for up to 9 months and then never really on our own ever again. That whole process is an art that cannot be rivalled, and requires emotional and physical adjustments that cannot even begin to be taken lightly. Every month our bodies prepare for this possibility, in other words every month we get ready to become bi-human machines, and our bodies adjust and readjust involuntarily for these physical and emotional transitions! It’s a lot to take on and to be mindful of. But be mindful of this anyway. Be mindful of the transformation and transition from childhood to womenhood you’ve made, how the 14 year you could easily look up to the 23 year old you now because she has grown up to be confident in herself and sets her own trends. Be patient with yourself, and kind to your body, by being aware of the parts that you love and whilst you have your attention there, learn to make this your weapon in the face of clothes that don’t fit right anymore but cost you too much or that clothing section that when they were designed, never intended to have the spotlight on you. That doesn’t matter because right now, you look fabulous. But even on the days no one tells you, look and feel and be fabulous anyway. Because you simply are, my darling.
I really love Mosa's eiffel tower legs. So I insisted on the the black skinnies. She has a cute casual top that she paired with them and these half boots (staple item these, wouldn't trade them anytime if I were her).
I just swapped the slouchy casual top for a more elegant sophisticated look that I reckon has her exuding confidence. This white blazer is a necessity. If you're trying to go the sexy but slick route, be bold and wear with just a classy bra or lacy bodice. If you want to keep it extra safe but slick, a slim fitting tank should be just as good.
We are still very much in denial that winter is approaching. If you are too, swap the half boots for a cute kitten heel or a stiletto will do, it's all about how tall you want to stand and how confident do you want to feel, whichever you go for, own it and look fabulous like my girl Mosa does here.
So there you, my unpaid for (hopefully invaluable) advice. If none of this floats your boats, play dress up like Mosa and I did here, choosing the items in your closet that are versatile enough to be dressed up or down and go with everything, i.e. black pair of skinnies. Then go crazy.
And thank you my Mosa, my muse. You've made my first fashion feature motivate me to keep doing this. it was such a pleasure my darling.
Chaa-w for now. :)
